


Dear Leah: A Marvel Advice Column

by BookishBrigitta



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Advice, Advice Columns, Gen, Humor, Inspired by Dear Prudence, Light-Hearted, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21877378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookishBrigitta/pseuds/BookishBrigitta
Summary: Various Marvel characters write in asking for advice.  Inspired by Slate's Dear Prudence.
Kudos: 2





	Dear Leah: A Marvel Advice Column

**Author's Note:**

> The columnist is called Leah as a nod to Stan Lee. 
> 
> More characters/chapters may be added.
> 
> Can you guess the writer of each letter? :)

**Dear Leah,**

**I recently started a new job. This job has different rules than my previous positions. Namely, my boss has asked me to wear a shirt, which I am very much opposed to. When I told him this, he said my employment was contingent on wearing a shirt. Is this legal? Do I have to wear a shirt?**

**\--No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem**

Dear No Shirt,

I’ll be brief. Yes, what your boss is doing is absolutely legal. Yes, you have to wear a shirt to work (for health, safety, and liability reasons). If you want more clarification, I suggest taking this up with the HR department.

Out of curiosity, what was your previous occupation that didn’t require employees to be fully clothed? Lifeguard? Nude model? Chippendale? Please update us.

* * *

**Dear Leah,**

**My husband has a physical condition, and because of it, he always thought he could never have biological children. Well, after a few years of research and waiting, we're now the proud parents of twin boys! My husband was always open with people about his condition, and now family/friends/acquaintances feel they can ask us invasive questions, such as "How did you get them?", "Are [the boys] a science experiment?", "Who's the father?", and my personal favorite: "Was it witchcraft?" How can I shut these people up? Help!**

**\--It Wasn't Witchcraft**

Dear Witchcraft,

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I am so happy for you! Second, yikes! What these people are asking you is seriously not okay. How your children came into the world is no one’s business but you and your husband’s. That said, it will be easiest to have a quick, vague answer for these nosey people, even if it’s tempting to curse them into oblivion. I recommend a quick “My husband” as an answer to “Who’s the father?” and a vague “It wasn’t always easy, and we are very lucky to have the boys” to “How’d you get them?” It’s also perfectly acceptable to say, “You know, this is very personal, and I don’t feel comfortable discussing this right now/with a co-worker/in this shawarma restaurant. As for the more offensive questions...oh, boy. I suggest something like, “That’s a really offensive thing to say. Our children are blessings, and I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about this any more.” Best of luck and congratulations again!

* * *

**Dear Leah,**

**I have a number of chronic health conditions and was very sick as a child. In my 20’s, I was able to participate in an experimental drug trial which greatly improved my condition. Now when I go back to my hometown, that's all people want to talk about. I'm stuck as "the sickly kid who glowed up hard" instead of an actual adult with a life and career. What do I do?**

**\--Nice To See You, Too**

Dear Nice To See You,  
First, I’m glad you found a treatment that worked for you! That’s great! Now, as for your nosey former neighbors, I recommend simply changing the topic of your conversation as quickly as possible. A brief, “Yeah, medicine has improved a lot” followed by an inquiry into their lives or an anecdote about something you’ve done recently should be enough to get most people off your back (and hopefully, they won’t ask again the next time they see you). Cheers!

* * *

**Dear Leah,**

**A number of years ago, I lost my arm while serving in the military. In order to maximize function, my prosthetic does not look like a human hand. Adults who stare I can brush off as rude, but what about kids? I don't want to be overly harsh, and I know most of them don't even know what a prosthetic is (let alone have seen one before), but I don't always feel like explaining. Help!**

**\--Mommy, That Man Is A Robot!**

Dear That Man Is A Robot,  
Let me first thank you for your service. Second, I appreciate how much thought you’ve given this letter and this situation. I’m typically of the mind to leave the parenting to the parents, and if you notice a kid staring, let their parents answer their questions and tell them it’s not polite to stare. You’re under no obligation to explain anything about your body or history to strangers, even children. You can let it be and go about your day with a clean conscience. However, if a kid asks a question and/or you’re in the mood to converse with a mini-human, feel free to say something like, “Some people don’t have two arms that look the same. This arm just helps me do the stuff I need to do. I’m not a robot, but it does look pretty cool, right?” Don’t worry about it too much--you’re doing great!


End file.
